Friday, 27 June 2008

I wish words could carry along all that I feel, that the previous words have no impact, that what matters isnow.

Today for the first time in a long time, I meant the "I'm sorry". I didn't say it because it would make things right, because I should have. I said it because, without thinking, just purely, truthfully, I was sorry.

I don't think he could have known.


FUCK IT LA

I AM NOT FUCKING WRONG
TO HELL WITH THE WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU WHY ARE YOU SO MOODY
What, everything also has to do with my moodyness?

I had 2 trips lined out, on 2 consecutive weeks. None really confirmed. And the first one was originally planned for next tuesday. On FRIDAY, it was STILL not confirmed. then I found out the first trip was postponed to the following week, and even THAT couldn't be confirmed.

This means, that my second trip would have to be cancelled, as it was already too late to move it forward a week.

And if the first trip doesn't work out, I would have TWO WEEKS with nothing to do. TWO WEEKS in which i originally planned to travel. STUCK AT HOME WITH NOTHING TO DO.

So I wasn't that enthusiastic about the first trip, I do so despise people taking my time for granted like this.

BUT NO, I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO FEEL BAD, WHO HAD TO A APOLOGIZE, WHO HAD TO GET THE "WHATEVER LA I'M GOING TO BED BYE" message.

I was so weak, simply because things are bad enough between us, and I didn't want to make things worse. But enough is enough. I TRY LIKE SHIT OK? AND IT'S NOT EASY.

And you know what drives me? MEMORIES. Of what I thought I've messed up. And how things used to be different. How I want it all back, how it's all my fault.

WHY IS IT THAT I USED TO DO NO WRONG, BUT AM LIKE THE BIGGEST FUGLIEST BITCH NOW?

I don't see a way out.

The Winter Season Arrived on 13:48;