Friday, 6 June 2008

My blog posts are extreme i know. i do try so very hard to suppress myself at times, and this is my outlet.I think I've slowly morphed back into THAT state again. The wake-up-with-a-sinking-heart-stare-into-space-at-random-times- feel-and-look-annoyed-without-reason state.

It takes effort for me to remember what I did yesterday. Because between yesterday and today, even though all I did was go home, watch a movie and sleep, so much more went on in my brain. I went to watch mamma mia, which was really good, and I had my first casino experience, which made me greedy.
All the while with my brain moving so fast I can't even keep up.

You who don't get it dismiss me as simplistic. You who come up with simple ideas don't get it, do you? So I've shut down. I don't think anyone cares enough to fully understand, to bear with me and hear me till the end. And they don't have to, my well-being is my responsibility alone.

And I do try ok? It's just that... I feel so out of place, so abnormal, so lame, so loser-ish. and it's because of my stupid expectations, stupid dreams, stupid ego, who can't accept the person I've become. Not being accepted by others is not as bad as this, because you can choose to be alone and away from judgement. I can't choose to separate my judgements, from the rest of me.

I don't want one la...

The Winter Season Arrived on 05:45;