Monday, 21 April 2008

Gosh there's so much that I wanna blog about!!

First
I surprisingly cant wait to go back to the UK.
I was just telling si Benny, when we're back it's as if we run away from our life over there. That everything hits a pause button.
It was liberating at first, now it's just not practical la.

This trip back has been really quite fun though! made lots of friends. Hazel, Eng Hong, Woon Soong, Wei Kuan, Ai Vern, Yvonne...Got to know entirely different lifestyles, drove A LOT.
Reconnected with old friends

Second
I need to be NORMAL

I know that many stereotypes abound. And that we should just be ourselves, not conform to anyone's rules, and people will love us for that and if they don't they're not worth it yadda yadda yadda

But the more I get to know people, people my age, people of the same educational background, indentifiable upbringing
and they tell me stories bout their lives
I go

What's wrong with me ha?

People my age date, they have serious relationships, mindless flings, ups and downs

I don't need a boyfriend la.
Just that having one, would once and for all, validate myself to myself (if that makes any sense) that there is indeed nothing lacking in me, that I'm just like any normal 20 year old.

sad hor?

Third
As I go through lecture notes, I think to myself
This is not so hard after all
Why didn't I bother trying to learn throughout the 20 weeks of term time that has passed?

Fourth
I'm not together with Benny. We're close , nothing more, nothing less
he is so. nice. to me
Though the dude seems determined that I lose weight
And proceeds to show EVERYONE my before UK and after photos
And they'll go like "what happened?"
then he's happy.

Frankly, he does make me insecure (see second). Girlfriends, flings, it's so easy for him!!!!! How am I different?

Aside from that awesome friend he is.

Fifth
Sometimes I don't understand why we don't hang out.
Sometimes I do.
To Kael-li and Yen Tink
I miss the bond we had
I hope it's still there
I miss you.

The Winter Season Arrived on 09:37;